Bad Teacher: Bad, bad movie.

I’m not a prude. Really, I’m not. But the movie, Bad Teacher, has hit a nerve. I could say this movie epitomizes what is wrong with our society, and I don’t think there would be very many people who would disagree.

I watched Bad Teacher last night, not because I really wanted to, but because it was the movie selected in a compromise with my husband for our weekly movie night. I usually forgo this type of movie, and now my resolve has been strengthened.

The premise is that a gold-digging woman (Cameron Diaz) becomes a teacher because of the holidays, short hours, and there is “no accountability,” which leaves more time for her true ambition. At the beginning, she’s not letting the school door hit her in the ass when she leaves to marry a rich husband, but he figures out her real motives before the nuptials and, the next school year, she’s back on the job.

Elizabeth Hasley (Diaz) proceeds to drink, smoke pot, embezzle, and steal the state standardized test answers — by drugging the state official responsible for the test — so her kids will score the highest and she can win five grand for her BOOB JOB. In the end, an uptight, but honest, co-worker gets blamed for all of Elizabeth’s antics and she LETS HER take the blame. She also tells everyone the reason for the breakup with her fiancee was 1) she caught him sleeping with his sister, 2) she caught him sleeping with his DOG. Now that’s classy, right? And not the least bit unethical or even, possibly, grounds for a lawsuit.

The redemption is supposed to be that Elizabeth finally realizes the new rich-dude (and the honest teacher’s boyfriend) she’s after is shallow (now that’s the pot calling the kettle black) and that she doesn’t REALLY need the boob job after all. Elizabeth realizes she loves the nice gym teacher, who she shunned at first for his lack of money. (Why this nice-guy gym teacher would even be interested in a scumbag like the Diaz character is unfathomable.) The movie ends when the Diaz character gets REWARDED for all her despicable and immoral deeds by landing the job of SCHOOL COUNSELOR. Throughout the movie, there are scenes where Diaz gives advice to kids, and we are suppose to believe this is where her real talents lie. I shutter at the thought of a low-life like the character of Elizabeth Hasley ever counseling my child, or any other.

The only true “redemption” would have been a speedy trial and jail time for, the Bad Teacher. I vote this movie as one of the worst since the beginning of film. I think it will hold the record in my book for a long, long time.

Here are some “memorable” quotes from the movie. Read them and weep. Because you should.

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